Faith Through the Journey

Birth order and family positioning are part of our identity from a young age. There are stereotypes about oldest, middle and youngest children and their behaviors and characteristics. In our nuclear family of five, I was the middle child. There were my parents, my two brothers and myself, the only girl, which added a different dimension to the “middle child” identity too.

Over the course of time, our family grew through marriages and children being born, and that family grew to number 15. In 2002, our dad, Bob Whitcomb, our beloved patriarch, went to be with His Savior and family dynamics changed. My mom, Jan, continued as the steady matriarch but my older brother, Dr. Randy Whitcomb, began to fill more of a “patriarchal” role as well. The family kept on growing and pretty soon there were 31 of us!

Then in 2020, our much-loved brother Randy lost his hard and bravely-fought battle with ALS and joined Dad in heaven. Randy’s illness and homegoing left a huge hole in our family and our mom struggled with it especially as she approached her 90th birthday. COVID was also hard for Mom as she wasn’t allowed to have us come into her senior living facility. Once restrictions were lifted, I made plans to go to visit her.

However, before I could make my planned visit, a phone call from my younger brother sped up my trip and I needed to get there quickly. Once I arrived, I knew that this wasn’t something that Mom would recover from, that we were indeed looking at end of life decisions and comfort care. I was very grateful for the opportunity to have those days by her bed to read the Psalms to her, to tell her I loved her, to just talk to her. As her family, we did NOT want her to suffer or prolong her life for our sakes, just because we weren’t ready to let her go. The last night before I left her bedside, I told her that if she was tired, if she was ready to go and be with Dad and Randy, it was okay with us for her to go. She wasn’t conscious, but I believe she heard me nonetheless. Then I spoke the words of the Numbers blessing over her: “Now may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.” When the phone rang at 4 am the next morning, I knew she was with Jesus.

That was also the day I turned 65. I think everybody felt worse for me than I did for myself, but I knew how Mom was suffering and I was grateful that she was finally free. I couldn’t help but feel anything but relief for the end of her suffering and gratitude for her wonderful life. One of my sweet friends made the observation that Mom had two of her greatest life moments on June 6: she had me and she saw Jesus face to face! The days ordained for Mom ended on June 6, 2021, and that was His plan for her.

During the following week as we were working on carrying out Mom’s plans for her funeral-she was very thorough!-we did have to make some decisions. My brother deferred to me and made the statement “You’re the oldest now.” That was my first reality shock! My immediate reaction was “I don’t know how to be the oldest! I’ve always been the middle!” In reality, however, I was now indeed the oldest not only of the three children, but of the original nuclear family of 5.

For as long as I can remember, our parents prayed for each of us daily by name. When my dad went to be with Jesus (and I think he talked to Him about us personally!) my mom continued to pray for each of us. We kept her busy because the family grew and her prayer time increased with each new name. Now that Dad, Mom and Randy are home with Jesus, who is going to call out these names in prayer? It didn’t take long for me, the now OLDEST, to realize that this prayer mantle was now being passed to me. While I don’t have a monopoly on praying for them, I do feel a strong conviction and responsibility to my family to keep bringing them to the Lord, as my parents did for many years. In Isaiah 6:8, the prophet says “I’ll go! Send me!” Being the oldest is an unfamiliar lane for me, but I am blessed to call each one my family and to faithfully pray for each one! It’s a really beautiful privilege!