Faith Through the Journey

Four years ago today my life-and mouth-changed dramatically when I had surgery for a cancerous tumor under my tongue. I had to learn to talk differently, to eat differently and even to brush my teeth differently-and floss more frequently as well! A subsequent surgery left me with a neck scar as well, but didn’t require nearly the recovery that the first surgery did.

All of that being said, I am so very thankful to my Lord Jesus Christ for the healing these two surgeries brought. I certainly don’t want to be ungrateful for the healing and health I have enjoyed. Another truly amazing gift I’ve received is a confirmation of a completely clean digestive system, free of any evidence of Crohn’s Disease. This is most significant because I’ve had to be off of all immunosuppressant medications for four years since that is what allowed the cancer to develop and grow. God has given me a wonderful gift for which I thank and praise Him.

I am very keenly aware of the fact that the health stories of many people have not turned out this way. In the past two years in our immediate family we have had three losses. My husband’s sister passed away from a cancer that was not able to be successfully treated with medication or surgery. My older brother was diagnosed with a rapidly progressing form of ALS and passed away last year. Just a few months ago, my mother passed away after a short illness that followed years of health challenges. While we know that these loved ones are more alive in heaven than they ever were here on earth, it’s hard to continue on without them, with the empty places felt at family gatherings.

With the pandemic encompassing the whole world, no one has been untouched by illness and sorrow. I’m often hesitant to share the good news of clear scans because I don’t want to rub salt in the wounds of others. Not everyone’s health issues are turning out well, of that I am very aware. But I’m compelled to share, partly because of one of my husband’s favorite Bible stories. There were 10 lepers who came to Jesus and He healed them all, but only one of them returned to thank Jesus for this miraculous healing. I never want to be ungrateful for such amazing gifts, so here I am, saying a very big THANK YOU to God for these wonderful gifts of health and wholeness, for however long they remain!

Today marks the third anniversary of my first cancer surgery. My tongue was forever altered as the cancerous tumor was removed. It was extremely painful and learning to talk again was not easy. In fact, the first time I heard my own voice with my altered speech, I was horrified. It made me want to NEVER speak again!! My speech is still not normal to me, although most people tell me they can understand me with no problem. I wondered if I had made the right decision to have this surgery, although I definitely wanted this cancer gone!

I was grateful that medical science had figured out a way to treat this cancer and that mine had been discovered early, but the fact that I now faced the challenge of figuring out how to eat and talk all over again was not without its setbacks. In addition, the size of the tumor meant that I was facing another surgery later to remove possibly cancerous lymph nodes. It also meant that I wouldn’t be able to continue taking my current medication for Crohn’s Disease, for the drug quite possibly was the trigger that allowed the formation of the cancer. In fact, I have to be off of ANY biologic medications for five years and remain cancer-free before even considering returning to that particular drug classification. And of course, if I do take any of them again, I run the risk of the cancer recurring.

Does God know this? Absolutely. Did it surprise Him? Of course not. Can I trust Him to show us how to balance and manage all of the factors we face in treating both cancer and Crohn’s Disease? Without a doubt. And am I thankful that I have a big enough God to handle all of this? ETERNALLY!! If I can trust Him to save me from an eternity of torment and suffering without Him, then taking care of me in the here and now is definitely within His vast ability. He gave His Son’s life for me, so trusting Him in EVERYTHING should be a no-brainer!

In the Old Testament, Joshua instructed the people of Israel to gather “stones of remembrance” from the middle of the Jordan River when God parted the water so the nation could cross on dry land. They were to take these stones to the other side and build an altar to remind them of the miracle God performed in parting the waters so they could cross into the land He promised them. He wanted them to remember and tell their children about how God was faithful in caring for them.

Today is one of my “stones of remembrance”, as I remember how faithful God was then and how He has continued to care for me now. Colonoscopies and barium x-rays will always be part of my life, since Crohn’s Disease is a lifelong illness, and my doctor tells me that I am definitely at a higher risk for colon cancer the older I get. BUT the good news is that I am still here, still cancer free, able to enjoy life and watching my grandchildren grow up. I’m able to continue singing at church, something I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do again after my mouth was altered. God has proven Himself to be a loving and faithful God, no matter the circumstances. It’s good to look back and see that!

I’ll admit it. I’m angry at CO-VID 19. This was definitely NOT in my plans for 2020, and not in anyone else’s either for that matter. To have one virus that has completely disrupted the entire world and everything familiar and routine to EVERYONE seems incomprehensible. And yet, here we are, with no clear end in sight.

Coincidentally, our church began a prayer challenge earlier this year based on the book, Draw The Circle. It was officially over the day the first quarantines were announced and major national events began to be cancelled…perfect timing, right?? Time to keep moving forward with what we learned!

Praying bold prayers…OK! I can do that! Does God have power over CO-VID 19? Of course He does! Did any of this catch Him by surprise? Absolutely not! Regarding ending the pandemic illness itself, is it documentable that God has miraculously healed people in the past of various illnesses and afflictions? The Bible is full of examples of physical healing that happened in Jesus’ day and throughout the Bible. God is still healing today by miraculous touch, by medications and by surgical treatments. I am a living example of someone who has experienced healing by multiple surgeries and medications during my crazy complicated medical history. Without these gifts, I have no idea whether or not I would still be alive today. So, I began to pray earnestly that God would just show up and stop the whole virus and everyone now sick would be healed. Bold prayer, but it seemed like a good idea. The Bible says we don’t have because we don’t ask, so I started asking! God is certainly capable of doing it, and in such a way that the whole world knows HE ALONE did it! Nothing with with that, right??

Except that I forgot to read the rest of the verses…the part that says that you don’t get what you ask for because you ask with wrong motives. OK…I re-examined my motives for this particular prayer. Turns out that my prayers for miraculous intervention were motivated by a desire for God to defend His reputation in front of a watching world. If people saw CO-VID 19 suddenly disappear then God would get the credit and the whole world could go back to normal, right?? What could be wrong with that??

EVERYTHING!! God does NOT need me to defend His reputation!! He can defend Himself without my help! As I was on my “prayer-praise walk” one day last week, the Lord brought just one specific truth to my mind that spoke directly to my prayers for Him to vanquish CO-VID 19. Jesus Himself DID NOT SPEAK UP to defend His own reputation in front of Pontius Pilate when He was on trial for His life! He was completely able to speak for Himself, even to calling down legions of angels to free Him from this unfair trial.

So why didn’t He? Because He knew that He had a greater purpose to fulfill than defending Himself or ending this trial. If He had stopped the earthly proceedings, WE WOULD HAVE NO WAY TO HEAVEN!! I can’t imagine the suffering of Jesus in that hour, and yet He never lost sight of His mission. Indeed, it was for that hour He was born. So instead of defending and freeing Himself, He stayed…for us. FOR ME.

Redirecting my prayers seems appropriate! Back to the prayer challenge, the idea of praying through challenges rather praying them away seems like the way God may be wanting me to pray. My confidence that God could still speak a word and STOP CO-VID 19 is still strong, but if He chooses not to, He has something else in mind to accomplish through this very strange disease that  won’t be done in another way.

“So, Lord, draw that circle again and show me within it how You want me to pray during these CO-VID 19 days. You’re the firm foundation that will NOT be shaken!”

Two years ago today I underwent the first of two operations, the first to remove a cancerous tumor under my tongue and the second to remove 42 lymph nodes on the side of my neck, one of which turned out to be cancerous. I had no idea at the time how my speech would sound, whether I would be able to speak much at all, and certainly no idea whether I would ever be able to sing again. I remember being in tremendous pain, unable to eat and barely able to swallow. I was thankful that the cancer had been removed, but speaking was no simple task. I struggled mightily with how I would communicate, whether I would ever sound “normal” again. I certainly didn’t sound normal to myself and my tongue got in the way more than it helped me to be able to speak. I shed more than a few tears of frustration at my inability to articulate what I was trying to say. At my first speech therapy appointment my voice was recorded, and I was absolutely horrified at the sound of my voice. It made me want to cry, scream, and carry a whiteboard and marker with me for the rest of my life rather than try to get my mouth to cooperate in speaking ever again.

With the passage of time, my tongue healed and I was able to use it better. The letter “s” was, and continues to be, my nemesis. I am reminded every day, very often, that I no longer have “original equipment” in my mouth! Nerves were severed in my neck and numbness remains-I’ve accepted the fact that that’s not going to change. I get frustrated when I speak too fast and my tongue trips me up, and especially when people on the phone can’t understand me it brings out all my insecurities about my speech.

Probably the best gift I got was that of being able to sing again as part of our church worship team after about 6 months of healing. I knew singing on mic would really expose the imperfections in my speech, and I’m so grateful that the rest of the team were willing to take me as I was, messed up mouth and all!

I learned a lot about being thankful during those months of being “set aside”. I was reminded often of the faithfulness of God to never leave me, to love me unconditionally, to be there in the middle of the night when fear and sadness threatened to overwhelm me. I learned-again-to be thankful for the scars I now have, permanent reminders of God’s mercy in allowing the cancer to be found and removed. I’m thankful with each doctor’s appointment and CT scan that I continue to be cancer-free without any further treatment. I am abundantly aware that I am truly blessed to be alive and healthy. Even Crohn’s Disease, my constant companion since 1974, has remained in remission without any medication!

There’s a song I’ve learned recently that talks about being thankful for our scars, because they remind us of God’s faithfulness. I have only to open my mouth to be reminded of how faithful God has been to me. Ironically one word that was very difficult for me to say for a long time was “Jesus”, the name I needed to cry out more than once in the dark nights that followed surgery! The combination of the consonant sounds was very hard to articulate, but I’m glad Jesus understood even my garbled use of His name!

So today, September 14, 2019, I can truly say that, even though my life was changed forever 2 years ago, I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for the goodness and faithfulness of God!

When I tell my husband I never mind doing the laundry I truly mean it. Doing six or seven loads in a day when I’m home and tending to things there doesn’t bother me in the least. We have been married almost 38 years and, except for the first couple of months of our marriage, have had our own washer and dryer. Thus, when we began our kitchen remodeling project which led to redoing the adjoining powder room and laundry room, I was brought face to face with the reality of NOT having access to laundry facilities in our house!

Not having done this for quite a few years, I searched for a laundromat close to our house, of which there were not many… Once located, I loaded up almost 2 weeks of laundry, the laundry products, hangers and change. I managed to get things figured out (how hard could this really be, after all??!!), and proceeded to get the job done. I hadn’t counted on the prices having gone up drastically in 38 years($3.00 for a large load??), but soldiered on. Within a few minutes of arriving, I was startled by a strong odor. I looked up to see a young man coming down the aisle where I had just started my laundry, and of course he proceeded to use the machine right next to mine to wash his not so lovely smelling sleeping bag. He got it started and then went back outside to his grocery cart. He had a friend there who also had a grocery cart. Sadly, these were two young men who were in a bad place in life but they were not inclined to talk to anyone but each other. He came back in just long enough to take care of the sleeping bag and was gone again.

A little later, I looked up at the sound of two teenage girls who began arguing rather loudly. One threw something at the other and I was just praying I would get out of there alive and uninjured!

By the time I needed to dry the laundry, I had run out of quarters. I looked into my purse and all I had left was a $20. Great. I went to the change machine to get my quarters and they came out like it was a Vegas slot machine. I managed to catch them before too many rolled away. The whole process took about 2 hours. I was relieved to be done, but a little depressed thinking I would have to repeat this process until the laundry room was put back together.

The good news is that, after three tries at the laundry hauling process, I found a better laundromat and figured out that going early in the day is best. This is one more thing for which I will be thankful when the remodeling process is complete. I don’t want to forget about these simple yet essential things I have taken for granted when they’ve been readily available to me to use for so many years. I’ve certainly gotten lots of exercise going up and down the stairs to do all the things we CAN’T do on the first floor, and lifting the garage door up and down to gather things from the refrigerator we have in there…although the end isn’t yet in sight, trying to see this as a learning experience that stretches us out of our comfort zone is definitely a worthwhile exercise!

About 10 days into the remodel, we began to notice some water issues. Because we were planning to move some of the plumbing, the water was turned on and off several times. Our faucets had to be flushed and gunk came out of them due to the copper plumbing we discovered we had. When we started to notice that the temperature of our showers wasn’t really very hot, we thought it probably had something to do with the plumbing that was being worked on, and the plumber said he would check the temperature of the water heater. That was Friday afternoon. Our project supervisor asked if the tile worker could come on Saturday, and we told him that would be fine with us.

Early Saturday morning we went to Austin for an event sponsored by Texas Alliance for Life, a pro-life organization for which my husband serves as a board member. As we were getting ready to leave, we got a message from our project supervisor sent us a message that our house was flooded! Not the words you want to hear, especially when you’re not there! The culprit was our water heater, which had now flooded the laundry room, the powder room, and began to encroach on the kitchen area…and our garage…

Anyone who has ever seen our garage knows it is legendary–and not in a good way. Before we moved to Texas we had always had a basement: a place to put everything we didn’t want anyone to see, no longer used, and stuff we just didn’t know what to do with but didn’t want to throw away. Our garage became our “basement” when we moved to Texas. Thus, when the garage flooded it bordered on being a major catastrophe. We had to take everything out of the garage, a lot of which was now soaked. We filled both our trash bin and recycle bin with the stuff that was unsalvageable. Since it was 90 plus degrees outside, it was extra unpleasant dealing with all of the mess. With no hot water, we knew the showers would be cold but welcome nevertheless. I went to pick up some dinner while my husband showered, or so I thought. When I got home, he was heading out the door to our gym to shower there. Although our cold water was still on, our showers were both single faucet plumbing. No hot water, no water coming out of the showers at all. Improvising a shower in the bathroom sink was interesting, especially when all I had was cold water. At that point I began to feel like Lisa Douglas on the old “Green Acres” TV show, and her adjustments to life without modern conveniences–like hot water! Also, because our thermostat was located on the wall that was removed, we have to keep checking to make sure the workers keep it level so that we have air conditioning! Last night I had to find a ladder to place it on since it had been removed from its temporary location, hanging by a wire in the wall, because we again had no a/c.

Although the flood wasn’t at all pleasant, we were very thankful that the workers came on Saturday because they found it and turned off the water. Had we stayed away longer, our entire first floor could have been under water as well! Even the fact that the rest of the first floor is chaos now, WET chaos would have been a disaster! Amazing that we can see God’s hand in something like a flood! He definitely saw that coming and made sure someone would find it in time to ward off major disaster! So yes, even in this, we can say “Thank You, Lord”! Now about the laundry…

Recently I was asked by someone who regularly receives my blog if I had written recently, or if they had been dropped from the distribution list. No, and no! Since January my life has been consumed with planning for, and now executing, a major kitchen remodeling project. This is not what I would call a spiritual pursuit, however, I believe the Lord holds all of our days and everything we do should glorify Jesus Christ. When God blesses us with material things, I believe that we are obligated to be wise stewards of what He gives us. We’ve lived in our house for over 33 years, and now that all of our children are grown, through college, and married with lives of their own, it’s time to take on the kitchen…the heart of the home. Those of you who have gone through this process understand how daunting this can be!

Since the kitchen is primarily my work space, I took the lead in researching and planning this project. My husband and I talked through the things that were important to us and what would ultimately help us resell the house at whatever point we would do this. Interviewing contractors, comparing companies, making choices about finishes and appliances, it all took longer than I thought it might. However, delays were actually to our benefit since it gave me/us plenty of time and opportunity to think through all the elements. Now that the time has come to actually start the renovations, I think we’re satisfied with all the choices we’ve made.

The last thing required of us before construction began was the clearing out of the space(s). Because our powder room and laundry room adjoin the kitchen, they needed to be updated as well…one thing always seems to lead to another! Our most daunting task was to clear out EVERYTHING from all of the rooms. We never realized how much STUFF we have! The most disturbing part is that I did a “first pass” through all the cabinets to get rid of things I knew would not be coming back into the new kitchen, took a car full of stuff to Goodwill, and you would not know that had taken place by the abundance of things STILL filling our living and dining rooms and overflowing into our family room.

Someone mentioned to my husband that you need to have a strong marriage to go through a kitchen renovation–no doubt about it! Especially when you’re living in the middle of the chaos. Our flexibility is being tested daily! Certain activities and conversations have become commonplace. Washing dishes in the bathroom sink, doing “emergency” laundry in the bathtub, keeping a 5-gallon water jug in the living room because we have no water source on the first floor, being reminded to use the bathroom before coming home because the water was shut off, and trying to keep the 13-year-old dog calm with the house shaking from jackhammering and pulling down a wall and ceilings. With the windows and doors open for demo, the mosquitoes found their way upstairs to my husband’s office, so he has to wear a “bug band” to avoid being eaten alive while he works. And the air conditioning was turned off in the afternoon a couple of times, and with my husband’s south-facing office it got pretty uncomfortable in there! Our thermostat has to be level partly because of its age, and one day it wasn’t placed that way and the air conditioning ran continuously unless I manually shut it off. After dropping ten degrees overnight INSIDE the house, I knew I needed help! “Do you need anything in the garage?” “Where is the ____?” “Where do you want to get dinner from tonight?” Demo is now complete and flooring is nearly done as well. I will share more as we progress, beginning with the story of our now-defunct hot water heater…

Abortion is one of the most emotional subjects of our time, with both sides of the debate holding vehemently to their respective positions. Since 1973, abortion has been a legal and moral hot button issue, with public officials in particular often being judged on their stance on this issue. It seems as though the abortion debate has reached a new extreme in 2019, some states celebrating the availability of abortion up to and even after birth. How can a child be aborted AFTER birth?

My personal wake-up moment to this particular issue actually occurred when I was six months pregnant with our son, early in 1984. I admit to ignorance and detachment on the issue up until then. After all, I was a junior in high school when Roe v. Wade was handed down and the issue simply hadn’t any bearing on my life up until that point. As I was waiting for the nurse to take my vital signs prior to my seeing the doctor, I noticed a fee schedule on the wall above the phone (I assumed it was there so the nurse could refer to it when a woman called and had questions about the doctors’ fees). The very first item was ABORTION. I was completely shocked that my doctors, who were caring for me AND my unborn baby could, in the next room, be performing an abortion that would kill another woman’s unborn child. Up until then, abortion was impersonal, affecting others but not me. It was at that moment that I embraced the pro-life position wholeheartedly. Because I was closing in on my due date, I stayed with the group of doctors I had been seeing, but I definitely saw them in a new–and very disturbing–light. While I had every confidence that they would continue to care for me and my baby, right then and there I made the promise to myself and any future children I might have that I would never again go to an obstetrician who was not pro-life.

As time has gone on, this continues to be a very controversial subject.  As ardently as I have embraced the pro-life position, reading and hearing about the barbaric practices used in the destruction in the womb of a mother, I was completely caught off guard by my reaction to the movie that exposes the lies of Planned Parenthood, UNPLANNED. I went to an afternoon showing by myself and the theater wasn’t very full. I knew the story was about a former Planned Parenthood employee who had embraced the pro-life position after witnessing certain things at the clinic where she worked. What I was not prepared for was the very graphic depiction of the horrific practices and methods used to destroy a child in what should be its safest home, the womb of his or her mother. As the movie progressed, I began to get very lightheaded and nauseous. What was happening to me?? After the depiction of an abortion which uses the RU-486 pill method, I knew I had to get out of there and find a restroom fast. I was very grateful there was one just outside the theater door. I got physically sick after witnessing the horrors of the reality of abortion. I returned to the theater to collect my purse and Abby Johnson, the main character in the movie, was going into the POC room. As far as she knew that stood for Products of Conception, but the staff also knew it as PIECES OF CHILDREN!!! I left quickly and got home, with the images still vividly in my mind.

I was actually embarrassed to have had that kind of reaction. What kind of strong pro-life person doesn’t have the stomach to face the realities of what happens in an abortion, after all? Although I’m definitely not one to watch blood-and-guts TV or movies, surely I should be able to handle this! As I’ve read on social media the last few days, however, others have had the same kind of emotional and physical reaction as I did. I didn’t feel as though I was a failure to the pro-life cause any more.

As I’ve thought about the experience over the past few days, something has hit me big time. Shouldn’t abortion in all its forms make us sick??? Just because we don’t see it up close and personal on a daily basis doesn’t mean that it’s not happening thousands of times a day, as statistics prove. There is one thing I know for absolute certain: IT MAKES GOD SICK!!! With every tiny life that ends before he or she ever has a chance to breathe, surely God Himself must weep for the pain of that little one, as well as the mother who will never be able to erase the memory that she never met her child because of her choice to end his or her life. The lies that the pro-abortion people tell the mother are just that, LIES. A baby is NEVER part of the mother’s body–from conception the baby has its own DNA, completely different from the mother’s. And while I believe a woman has the right to decide whether or not to have a child, that choice MUST BE MADE BEFORE CONCEPTION!! While the mother is a baby’s first home, she does not have the right to decide whether to end the life of her child. God’s forgiveness will always be available to every mother who has chosen to end her child’s life through abortion–it is NOT the unpardonable sin! And each woman who has made this choice can know beyond any shadow of a doubt: HER BABY IS SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS HIMSELF! 

I’m glad I experienced UNPLANNED, even though my reaction was DEFINITELY UNPLANNED! If you want to really understand what goes on behind the deceitful facade of Planned Parenthood, this movie will expose the tragic lies they have sold to millions of women. Even pro-choice people have come to question their own position! And may God have mercy on America for allowing its most helpless citizens to be sacrificed in the name of choice.

Recently I was asked whether I had written any blog posts lately. As I thought about it, I realized that I haven’t. I guess I thought that talking about everyday life was rather uninteresting to most people. What does a 62-year-old grandmother have to say that’s very interesting to anyone outside of my family and friends?

December is usually a pretty busy month for everyone, and our family was no exception. Visiting Disney World with some of our children was a highlight and celebrating Christmas with family is a special time. Being able to sing this year was such a huge blessing since last year I was still trying to regain the use of my surgically-altered tongue. Though it will likely never feel “normal” to me, I am assured often that I am completely understandable, and that if people didn’t know I had had the cancer operation, they would never know anything was different. I am SO grateful that God has healed my tongue and enabled me to praise Him with my voice again!

Since the first of the year, my primary occupation has been researching and gathering information for a kitchen remodeling project. Doesn’t that sound like a glorious way to spend my waking hours?? Although I am excited about the finished product, I am less than excited about the process of living through the demolition and rebuilding of the kitchen. It’s not like we’re never in our kitchen, right ?? Measuring, diagramming, researching all the components that will make up the space has occupied most of my time since January 2. I will be relieved when we make our final decisions and start the actual work, I think…of course, that will mean that we have to empty the kitchen completely, finding things that have been hiding for 30+ years.

Renovating a kitchen is a far different occupation than fighting cancer, and I’m very grateful that I am NOT currently dealing with any active cancer or Crohn’s Disease. My body seems to be having a “rest period” right now, something for which I’m very thankful! Fighting physical illness is exhausting and God has graciously allowed me to have some rest from the fight. We as humans NEED periods of “ordinary life” so that when the challenges come, we have physical, emotional, and spiritual resources upon which to draw. Someone once expressed it as “hurricane preparation”, doing the building up work when you’re NOT in the middle of a storm that will enable you to be ready when the storms hit.

As I thought about the life of Jesus recently, it occurred to me that we heard about Him at  birth, then again when He was 12, and when He began His earthly ministry at about age 30. The vast majority of His life was spent in obscurity, “ordinary days”, learning all the things boys needed to know, playing with friends, learning how to be a carpenter (since that was His earthly father’s trade), caring for His mother and brothers and sisters as the oldest Son. Yet God, in His infinite wisdom, had His Son grow up as an ordinary man with many routine and ordinary days. Each one was necessary to prepare Him for what would become the most important event of all of human history, His crucifixion and resurrection, which made the way for the human race to be right with their Creator.

If the Son of God went through many ordinary days on earth, should we expect anything different? The same God who ordered Jesus’ days orders ours as well. Our ordinary days are always useful in allowing us to “rest” and prepare us for whatever the next challenge is that will enter our lives. “Thank You, Lord, for allowing us those ordinary days!”

Yesterday we had our six month appointment with my head/neck surgeon, who gave us the results of my most recent CT scan. We are humbly and gratefully blessed to report that I am cancer free a year after my neck dissection, where a cancerous lymph node was removed. My tongue, the primary source of the trouble with the tumor under my tongue, is also cancer free. My “treatment” currently consists of staying away from immunosuppressant drugs and visiting the surgeon every three months. It’s also important for me to see the dermatologist once a year since squamous cell carcinoma can manifest more commonly on the skin. As of today, I don’t have any Crohn’s Disease symptoms or any other manifestations of that lovely disease that has been my companion for over 44 years.

While I am SO thankful to be at this point in my cancer journey, somehow I can’t help but feel somewhat guilty. So many other people have gone through so much more than I have along their journeys: loss of limbs and other essential body parts, loss of hair, loss of essential physical capacities, and even more, loss of life. My heart hurts for each person who has loved and lost someone to this awful disease. Somehow I feel that I got off easily. My greatest incapacity is that I can’t speak the same way I used to.  I can’t say any “s” sound normally, or at least in a way that I think is normal. Speaking quickly makes me think about how my words sound, like I have mush or marbles in my mouth. As a person used to speaking publicly, this causes me no end of insecurity! But in the larger scheme of life, the people I love most–including my precious grandchildren–don’t see me any differently than they did a year ago when I felt so deformed.

Last night when I met with our church worship team to prepare for Sunday’s worship services, I was remembering a year ago when I couldn’t lift my left arm. When my husband and I traveled to New York City (sort of a celebration of the season we had been through), I had a lot of difficulty trying to manage luggage when my left arm was required. Suddenly I realized how hard it must be for athletes who lose muscle capacity to regain the use of whatever muscle group was required to accomplish the desired results. I started to work very hard to be able to NOT “lean to the left”! I am profoundly grateful that my left arm is fully functional and able to raise in praise to Jesus!

Once again, music takes center stage for me as it probably always will. You don’t spend that many years in a practice room and NOT hear music!! An Aaron Shust song came to mind front and center yesterday:

“To God alone be the glory; to God alone be the praise. Everything I say or do, let it be all for You. The glory is Yours alone. Yours alone”.

Looking up in my “office”, I see my monthly calendar which contains a Scripture verse. The verse for November is: “‘Not by might, not by power. But by My Spirit’ says the Lord”, found in Zechariah 4:6. I have known Jesus as my Savior since I was 7 years old, and it never gets old, the love He has for me…and everyone who has ever existed! My life is not by my own might or power, but by HIS Spirit!