Stones of Remembrance
Today marks the third anniversary of my first cancer surgery. My tongue was forever altered as the cancerous tumor was removed. It was extremely painful and learning to talk again was not easy. In fact, the first time I heard my own voice with my altered speech, I was horrified. It made me want to NEVER speak again!! My speech is still not normal to me, although most people tell me they can understand me with no problem. I wondered if I had made the right decision to have this surgery, although I definitely wanted this cancer gone!
I was grateful that medical science had figured out a way to treat this cancer and that mine had been discovered early, but the fact that I now faced the challenge of figuring out how to eat and talk all over again was not without its setbacks. In addition, the size of the tumor meant that I was facing another surgery later to remove possibly cancerous lymph nodes. It also meant that I wouldn’t be able to continue taking my current medication for Crohn’s Disease, for the drug quite possibly was the trigger that allowed the formation of the cancer. In fact, I have to be off of ANY biologic medications for five years and remain cancer-free before even considering returning to that particular drug classification. And of course, if I do take any of them again, I run the risk of the cancer recurring.
Does God know this? Absolutely. Did it surprise Him? Of course not. Can I trust Him to show us how to balance and manage all of the factors we face in treating both cancer and Crohn’s Disease? Without a doubt. And am I thankful that I have a big enough God to handle all of this? ETERNALLY!! If I can trust Him to save me from an eternity of torment and suffering without Him, then taking care of me in the here and now is definitely within His vast ability. He gave His Son’s life for me, so trusting Him in EVERYTHING should be a no-brainer!
In the Old Testament, Joshua instructed the people of Israel to gather “stones of remembrance” from the middle of the Jordan River when God parted the water so the nation could cross on dry land. They were to take these stones to the other side and build an altar to remind them of the miracle God performed in parting the waters so they could cross into the land He promised them. He wanted them to remember and tell their children about how God was faithful in caring for them.
Today is one of my “stones of remembrance”, as I remember how faithful God was then and how He has continued to care for me now. Colonoscopies and barium x-rays will always be part of my life, since Crohn’s Disease is a lifelong illness, and my doctor tells me that I am definitely at a higher risk for colon cancer the older I get. BUT the good news is that I am still here, still cancer free, able to enjoy life and watching my grandchildren grow up. I’m able to continue singing at church, something I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do again after my mouth was altered. God has proven Himself to be a loving and faithful God, no matter the circumstances. It’s good to look back and see that!
Faith Through the Journey 