Faith Through the Journey

Why Did This Happen?

Bad things happen to bad people, right? That’s what our human nature and innate sense of fairness tells us about the way life should be, at least in our very limited scope of perception. But what about when things go wrong and there’s no one to blame, no GOOD reason why that should happen? We have trouble wrapping our minds around that inconvenient truth.

There’s no good explanation for why I should have had Crohn’s Disease for 44 years. Even though I have enjoyed times of remission and respite, I’ve had six major surgeries, countless medications, hospitalizations, complications, etc. And then last year cancer entered my life. I wasn’t indulging in a dangerous lifestyle, living recklessly or trying to deliberately disobey God. Is there a good answer to this question?

To be sure, there are many instances where bad behavior brings bad consequences. Driving 100 mph while intoxicated does NOT produce a good outcome, nor does indulging in gluttony or dangerous drugs. But what if you’re not doing this, and things still go wrong?

Recently in my Bible reading I came upon a verse that leapt off the page at me. In John 9, Jesus and his disciples came upon a blind man, and the disciples asked Jesus if the man’s or his parents’ sin that had caused his blindness. Jesus said to them “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There’s no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.” Whoa. So…maybe asking “Why?” isn’t always the correct question when it comes to figuring out the reason for life happening the way it does. Perhaps there’s something more to consider.

If you’ve ever dealt with a 3-year-old, you know that the most dominant word in their vocabulary is “Why?” As a parent/grandparent/teacher you patiently try to give them answers that will satisfy, only to be met with yet more “Why?” responses! When you finally run of answers and realize that they really don’t WANT to know “Why?”, the standard go-to answer then becomes “Because I said so!” Even the smartest human being can’t compare to God in intelligence or understanding, nor can we see all that He sees. Wrestling with understanding God’s ways and purposes is often misdirected effort on our part. Choosing instead to look for what God can and wants to do is a better choice, for when we are focused on HIM and not our circumstances, we gain hope instead of frustration. We open ourselves to what HE is going for in our lives.  We allow the challenging situations to become opportunities to see what God wants to do instead of being mired in self-pity and the “why me?” pit of despair. Asking a loving God what He is going for in our lives will yield a fruitful response, for He doesn’t play hide and seek. He states plainly in Jeremiah 29:13: “You will seek Me and find Me, if you seek Me with all your heart.” We just have to ask the right question!

New Wine

The 15th of every month now brings the marking of time since the cancer diagnosis was first made for us. Feeling more comfortable with my “new” self is coming gradually, though the audible and visible reminders of the changes are never too far away. When I wake up in the mornings, my mouth feels dry and my neck is stiff, reminders that I no longer have “original equipment”. At these moments, I am tempted to long for my “old” self, the one without all of these extra challenges.

But then I am reminded that I am not the same person I was nine months ago. None of us can go backward in our lives, only forward. While I would under no circumstances choose the cancer that has forever changed my life, neither would I trade the closeness I have experienced with my Savior. Although physical illness has been my companion for many years, somehow cancer brought me to my knees in a way that Crohn’s Disease had not. While Crohn’s was a plague, something that made me miserable, cancer could take my life. Eternity became much closer, and the love of God was more precious that it has ever been in my many years of walking with Jesus. I AM LOVED BY MY HEAVENLY FATHER! I AM PRECIOUS TO HIM! 

Last Sunday I had the joy of again singing with our church worship team as we sang praise to our Savior. We sang a song that crystallized all of the things that God was wanting me to learn and proclaim. These are the words to “New Wine”:

In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine. In the soil I now surrender, You are breaking new ground. So I yield to You and to Your careful hand. When I trust You I don’t need to understand. Make me Your vessel, make me an offering. Make me whatever You want me to be. I came here with nothing but all You have given me. Jesus, bring new wine out of me. ‘Cause where there in new wine there is new power. There is new freedom and the kingdom is here. I lay down my old flames to carry Your new fire today. 

While the future, my future, is so uncertain, I am SO at peace with whatever God wants. My desire is to stay out of His way as He does whatever He chooses to do in my life and the lives of others. We have been so loved and supported by so many friends and family, and we desire that they will be blessed and encouraged by the God who loves each and every one of us, as though we were the only person who has ever lived!

 JESUS, BRING NEW WINE OUT OF ME!