Faith Through the Journey

This morning I had my first post-surgical, cancer-free (we sincerely trust) ultrasound exam. As I waited in line to turn in my paperwork, the lady in line behind me said she’d been praying for the Lord to teach her patience. I laughed and said, “Don’t you know better than to ask for that?” She laughed as well, and said she was being given many opportunities. We were both helped in short order and then waited for our names to be called for our exams.

When my name was called, I went with the technician, who looked younger than my youngest child. I’m afraid it’s that way now…I’ve reached “that” age. She was very sweet and calm, and there was even a student shadowing her. This was just routine, and the doctor told me to be sure to have the technician scan my entire neck since the tumor under my tongue was thick enough to warrant dissection of the left side of my neck. The doctor found one cancerous lymph node in that procedure, so observation of both sides of my neck was warranted. She began the exam, and at that moment, I was hit with a flood of thoughts about the magnitude of this test. I didn’t want to freak out or scare the technician, but I was suddenly flooded with thoughts about the possibility that this test could reveal more cancerous lymph nodes or tumors that hadn’t been found yet. I also thought about the resolution of this particular type of scan. According to the medical professionals, ultrasounds are 70% accurate in detecting cancers, CT scans are 80% accurate, and PET scans are 90% accurate–in detecting cancers greater than 5mm in size. You see, I had 3 cancers removed. The largest one was the tumor under my tongue, 6mm thick, and the others were too small to be detected in the most “accurate” scans. The other two were a lymph node, 4mm in size, and one on my hand that was even smaller. They never showed up on a scan, but they were there and had to be removed. I couldn’t help but remember the surgical procedures that were in my very recent past, and I was overwhelmed with the thought that I might have to go through them AGAIN. As the exam concluded, the technician told me the doctor would have the results that afternoon. I will have my follow-up appointment with him in 2 weeks, and at that point he will tell us what may or may not be visible on the scan.

Fear is in the back of my mind, and rears its ugly head at moments I don’t expect it to. At different times in the past 8 months, I’ve been reminded of something that was spoken by the pastor who married our youngest daughter and her husband last June. He included, as part of their wedding ceremony, that there would be times during their marriage that fear might intrude. God already gave the remedy for that when He spoke in His Word, over 300 times, that we were to “fear not”. Why? Because God is with us, because He holds us, because He is our God, the Lord Almighty.

Later this afternoon, I heard one of my favorite new songs, “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams. I’ve heard it a number of times during the past months, but the word meant even more today: “Fear is a liar; he will take your breath, stop you in your steps. Fear is a liar; he will rob your rest, steal your happiness; fear…he is a liar.” This is not surprising, because Satan is a liar, and the father of lies (John 8:44). The source of fear and lies is not God. Therefore, if I am a child of God, I will choose faith and truth, the opposite of fear and lies. The final outcome rests with the One Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, Jesus Christ. There is no one more worthy of my trust!