Faith Through the Journey

The day after my cancer diagnosis, we met with the doctor who explained our options to us. I remember almost laughing about the irony of it all. “Really, God? Wasn’t Crohn’s Disease enough for us to deal with? Did You have to allow cancer to affect our lives too?” For 43 years, Crohn’s has overshadowed my life, rearing its ugly head at some of the most inopportune times. My husband and I had our 36th wedding anniversary this week, and it’s certainly been in the background of our lives every day of that time. The nearly-constant presence of this disease really began in 1987, and from then on, my husband and children have been affected by my illness as well.

I heard a Christian radio program over 20 years ago, when Chuck Swindoll, a radio pastor, was teaching on the passage in Joshua where God was preparing to deliver the city of Jericho into the hands of the Israelites. God told Joshua specifically, “I have given Jericho into your hands.” Joshua looked at the walls of the city, still standing as strong as ever, and was puzzled at God’s statement. It certainly didn’t look like anything was different; if God had indeed given the city into his hands, Joshua thought, wouldn’t that have changed? The people in the city were still inside the walls, secure as ever, with no thought of anything in their world changing. However, in God’s economy, the city was indeed Joshua’s to possess. The fact that the city walls were still standing was insignificant as far as He was concerned! The outcome had already been decided by the God who controls the past, present and future. What God had in mind was that Joshua would lead the nation of Israel as they walked out their obedience in the way He required in order for the city of Jericho to indeed be given into their hands. Sure enough, as they walked around the city of Jericho for 7 days as God had directed, the city walls fell and the Israelites took possession of the city.

Shortly before I heard this, during a church service, I believe that God had impressed upon me that, in His economy, I was whole and healed of Crohn’s Disease. I didn’t need to pray for healing any more, for He saw me as healed. Since I was still dealing with it on a regular basis, I was skeptical and wondered if I had imagined the whole thing. The day I heard this radio program, it was like a light dawned for me. Whether or not the healing would come this side of heaven, I had no assurance. However, the only thing God required of me was to walk out my obedience to Him, trusting Him for the grace and strength for each day.

The week after I was diagnosed with cancer, God again spoke to me through music. I couldn’t believe the words to the song we would sing in worship on a Sunday morning: “Walking around those walls, I thought by now they’d fall. But You have never failed me yet. Waiting for change to come, knowing the battle’s won, for You have never failed me yet…I’ve seen You move, You move the mountains, and I believe You’ll do it again. You  made a way where there was no way, and I believe I’ll see you do it again.” One more time, God was requiring me to walk out this journey in obedience to His ultimate plan. The thing He was NOT asking of me was to muster up the strength within myself to do this in either instance. The strength to obey Him would be supplied by Him. 

The ultimate end of this journey remains to be seen. We have not received any assurance that the cancer is over, that it’s gone, never to return. God has only directed us to live one day at a time, by faith.  He holds the future, and when He is ready, THE WALLS WILL FALL!