Faith Through the Journey

Once the surgery was over and I was home, it was time to discover the next steps in this process of learning to live with the “new” me. A fellow cancer survivor agreed with me recently that the term “new normal” wasn’t all that good; it can imply that you’ve either given up trying to recover or settled for something less than you used to have. Acceptance of changed circumstances doesn’t imply that you aren’t going to try to be the best you can be in the days ahead. Even though trying to recover as much of my speaking ability that I can isn’t easy, I will continue to try. Each time I am with a group of people, it takes a lot of effort to carry on conversation as I have to concentrate on every word I speak, every syllable of every word, because my tongue doesn’t work the way it used to. I fully admit that there are times I shed tears of frustration after trying to talk for periods of time. Something that used to be so simple now takes a great deal of effort, and I find myself physically tired from attempting “normal” social interactions.

During one of these periods of tears of frustration and, yes, anger at my situation, it was almost as if the Lord audibly said to me, “You trusted Me for the surgery outcome; are you going to trust Me for the recovery as well?” Whoa. My Lord never intended for me to do this by myself. That would assure me of coming up short! He sees me through each of these days of recovery as much as the days of surgery and healing, and His strength is there for me to rely on for EVERY part of this journey! I’m reminded of something Jesus said in John 6. He had been teaching some hard things, and some of those who had followed Him at the beginning of His ministry no longer wanted to do so. Jesus turned to his close disciples and asked if they too were going to go away. Peter, bless him, said “Lord, to whom would we go? YOU have the words of eternal life!” Each speech therapy triumph I have, I know that it’s because Jesus has been there to give me the strength to keep trying, to restore the ability to form certain sounds. The letter “S” is still my worst nemesis-I never knew trying to say one little letter could be SO HARD!

At my surgical follow-up appointment, my doctor had the final pathology report on the tumor that had been removed. It was completely removed, along with clear margins of tissue, but the unknown factor was the thickness of the tumor. The report indicated that the tumor was .6mm in thickness, which meant that the recommended course of action was an elective neck dissection to remove all the lymph nodes from the left side of my neck. Another surgery… I just sat there and tried to absorb this bit of news. The doctor did say that he would not have to do any more surgery inside my mouth, and that the external incision wasn’t going to require skin grafts from various parts of my body, as it would have if we had chosen the more radical surgery in the first place. This would be purely a precautionary measure to assure us that there would be no cancer hiding in the lymph nodes to reignite at some later date.

So, on November 1, we will again head to the hospital and have this second and, we trust, last surgery related to this cancerous tumor. While I’m not excited about the prospect of more surgery and more pain, I AM looking forward to having all shadows of this cancer removed and enjoying however many more years the Lord sees fit to give me here on earth. This journey continues…