Faith Through the Journey

For 4-1/2 years now I have, for the most part, been free from worrying about Crohn’s Disease, my 42-year “companion”. My 6th surgery in 2012 corrected the damage caused by the disease’s progression. My digestive system is not in complete working order since it’s not entirely “original equipment”, however, there had been no further inflammation caused by the disease’s presence in my system. During this time, I have been able to do pretty much whatever I’ve wanted to, including extensive workouts at the gym, traveling with my husband for both business and pleasure, including an unforgettable trip to Israel, enjoying my now-adult children and becoming a grandmother.

A few weeks ago I had a “hiccup” and was hospitalized. I hadn’t been feeling well for a couple of weeks prior to that and finally the pain went beyond my medication’s limits and we had to seek professional help. After the doctors completed some tests, they said I had a few issues that showed up, the most disturbing of which was that the CT scan revealed a Crohn’s flare in my colon, a new place I hadn’t had one before. I think I was in denial for a few weeks, thinking that maybe if I didn’t acknowledge it, it would go away. However, two doctors have given me direct evidence that there is indeed something that needs to be treated. I am tremendously blessed that I have already been taking one of the medications that will hopefully get this “thing” back under control, and the other one has been re-added to my regimen. There’s nothing to operate on, so thankfully surgery is not even in the picture and hopefully won’t be.

I have been somewhat hesitant to share this information with very many people, and the reason may seem rather odd. When I went through the worst of my recent Crohn’s experience in 2011 and 2012, so many people came alongside us and prayed for and with us, that this might be gone for good. Surgery was the only option at that point, so we proceeded, even though the doctors, of course, could offer no guarantee that this would never come back. They felt that if I were to get 6 good years after another surgery, it was worth going through it. My recurrence rate had been 100%, which we knew going into the 6th surgery. With newer medications, they hoped to prolong the remission. It has truly been a good season, and I have to believe that the medications were a big part of that remission period. We were so hopeful that maybe this time it was gone for good, never to return. Our friends and family prayed for that to happen. So why didn’t I want to say anything? Very simply, I didn’t want people to be disappointed in God and His ability to heal me forever. Did God let all of us down?

No. Reviewing what I know about God, what I have always known during this journey, only reinforces my faith in Him. God is God, and I am not, for starters. Because He is God, He gets to decide how things go in this world. He does only what is for my good, for He loves me and wants what is best for me. He doesn’t ask me to understand what He’s doing, and I only ask for enough information to cooperate with Him in whatever He’s doing in my life. If He wants to teach someone else something through what He does in me, that’s fine with me. He has never let me down, so I know I can trust Him with everything in my life. If there does come a time when He chooses to heal me from the presence of Crohn’s Disease forever, I will thank and praise Him for that. If, however, God chooses to continue to teach me and others through this illness, then I can completely trust Him that this is His very best plan. He gets to decide, not me or anyone else.

2 Corinthians 12:8 & 9 says:”Three different times I begged God to make me well again. Each time He said, ‘No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.’ Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities.”