Faith Through the Journey

Having had Crohn’s Disease for more than 40 years, I have had more colonoscopies than I can remember. I have had good news and bad news from these tests, and the conversations with the doctor afterward have been a mixture of good and bad as well. The good news about Monday’s test is that my doctor found NO active Crohn’s Disease in my colon. I have every reason to be joyful about this news, if I weren’t in so much pain! The pain levels after this test are quite different than anything I’ve experienced in the past. While there is no active disease present, the fact that I have had as many surgeries as I have creates problems of its own. Scar tissue, hard to reach areas, extra twists and turns make it challenging for the doctor to see everything she needs to see, and because she has to work harder, the resulting post-op pain for me is greatly increased.

The past few days have taken me back to a time just a little over three years ago when pain controlled my life. Doing anything at all strenuous has seemed like a monumental undertaking. Unless I’m very still, not moving at all, pain has once again become a companion I’d rather not have. I have been reminded how much more effort it takes  to go through ordinary days when I’m in constant pain. I keep telling myself that it’s going to stop eventually, that there will be an end, but it’s hard when I’m in the midst of it. I’ve been flat on my back on the couch, watching the clock and trying to decide if it’s too early to go to bed since the sun hasn’t gone down yet! And, can I make it up the stairs without having to stop and rest?!

The mix of good and not-so-good news is reality, and I need to focus on things for which to be thankful. There is no active disease, so there isn’t further damage happening and the medications I take are working and worth continuing. There WILL be an end to this present pain once my system settles down, even though I know the scar tissue can cause obstructions at unpredictable times without warning. I will choose to be grateful for no disease activity, and on days where scar tissue rears its ugly head, I will be thankful that these days are few and that God will give me the strength to get through them. There are many people in this world who have a much more difficult road to walk than I do, so self-pity is NOT an option!