Faith Through the Journey

I’ve had Crohn’s Disease for nearly 40 years. Most of you who read this blog already know that, since I began writing early in 2012 when I was going through one of the most difficult flare-ups I’ve ever experienced. I’ve shared this part of my journey as a way of communicating with many of you who were praying for me and wanted to know how I was doing. I am profoundly grateful for each of you who have prayed for me and stood with our family in this “marathon”. This journey has been one of physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions, for as a believer in Jesus Christ as my Savior I know that ALL of my life is in His hands. Whatever He allows into my life, He does for my good and for His glory.

Our pastor gave a wonderfully affirming word this week that was a tremendous encouragement to my heart and our situation. Over the course of time I’ve heard from many well-meaning “encouragers” who told me that if I just had enough faith I would be well. FYI, that really doesn’t help! Job had better encouragers! But our pastor pointed to Paul, the beloved apostle and writer of most of the books of the New Testament. Paul was afflicted with some sort of physical problem, something he calls a “gift” in 2 Corinthians 12:7. In The Message, he says: “I was given the gift of a handicap to keep in constant touch with my limitations”. Paul pleaded with God to remove the affliction, but God instead gave him the gift of grace to strengthen him when the difficulty of his physical problems threatened to overwhelm him. When God showed Paul that He could be seen through Paul’s weakness, Paul welcomed it as still another avenue God could use to bring glory to Himself. In Philippians 3:10, Paul says: “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death.”

I have to agree with Paul. After all the years of dealing with a physical affliction, some of the most significant spiritual lessons have come to me during those “dark nights of the soul”. God has given me His answer, that in His economy, He sees me as “healed”. However, as in the instance of Joshua leading Israel to march around the walls of Jericho, I have to “walk out” this path set before me, with God’s strength. I was not given the answer of “when” this will take place, whether on this side of heaven or when I see Jesus face to face. I don’t have to ask God any more for His healing–He has given me His answer and I am content with that. I have the privilege of “walking out” the daily paths by His grace. During the times of remission, as I am experiencing now, I feel that I have to run as hard as I can to make up for the times I don’t feel well. I have learned, with recurrences and remissions, to accept both as from my loving Father’s hand. He will never call me to walk through something for which He will not strengthen and equip me. If this is God’s means of keeping me on a “short leash”, to keep me from wandering far from Him, then I welcome His drawing me close.

I love a song that is popular now, called “Oceans” by Hillsong. The words say: “You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail. And there I find You in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand. And I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine. Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand will be my guide where feet may fail and fear surrounds me. You’ve neer failed, and You won’t start now. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my fear could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” How can I possibly do anything but trust the One Who gave His life for me, the One who gives me every breath and who will ALWAYS do what is best for me? I am blessed beyond words to be a daughter of the King!