Faith Through the Journey

A Special Blessing

After I finished my last posting, I discovered that I had forgotten to mention something, or someone,VERY important! I mentioned that I had the blessing of having children in 1984 and 1986, before I had the recurrence of what has become a marathon of Crohn’s Disease episodes. One of the things the doctors wanted me to do in 1988 when I had my first surgery was to have a tubal ligation at the same time. In faith, my husband and I said “no” to that and we were tremendously blessed in 1990 with a precious little girl. She was a special affirmation that God was indeed very gracious and that He had given us a wonderful gift. I cannot imagine our lives without our sweet Courtney. She is somewhat like me in that she isVERY determined, very driven to accomplish goals and doesn’t settle for anything less than her best efforts. Because she and I spent time alone after her brother and sister had left home for college and my husband was on the road for work, she was my caregiver more than once. She saw me through some difficult times when I was very sick and she had to help my husband at home when I was hospitalized or unable to get out of bed. She is mature beyond her years and has learned to handle many situations that required her to take responsibility for herself and others.

Courtney and I were home together when we lost our 14-year-old dog, Casey, who had been Courtney’s best friend and protector from the day she joined our household in 1992. We helped each other through that, and in August of that year Courtney chose our new family pet, Riley, from the animal shelter. Riley faithfully “guards” Courtney’s bed in her absence, and all I have to do is say her name and Riley stands at the front door waiting for Courtney to come home. No matter what Riley does, Courtney always forgives and loves her (I have some moments when she’s NOT my favorite dog!). We are a complete family with our special gift, Courtney, and are so thankful God gave her to us!

Mind, Emotions and Will

Since 1974, I have been a Crohn’s Disease patient. I prefer the title of “patient” to that of “victim”. Victim carries with it the connotation of one who is helpless, one who must sit back and take whatever is given. After 39 years, everything within me fights against the notion that I am powerless, that I must merely allow this disease to take its toll on my body and not fight back. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I am anything but passive! Yes, those of you who know me best may laugh out loud now! After my diagnosis as an almost (within 1 day) high school graduate, I went on to college, 700 miles from my home (my parents had a VERY strong faith and prayer life!) . I finished in 4 years with a double degree in psychology and music and double minors in Biblical studies and English. I was also named to Who’s Who is America’s Colleges and Universities and was an officer in student government, graduating Magna Cum Laude as well. All of this to say that  I was daring the medical community to be proven wrong, to show them that someone who was diagnosed with a little-known (at that time) illness could compete wth the best of them.  If I was going down, it was in a blaze of glory!

That being said, there were definitely those “down” moments, those times when I knew I was different than other students, when I was sure I wouldn’t survive until the next morning. Unfortumnately, so little was known about Crohn’s that the episodes I experienced were mysteries and I didn’t understand what was happening within my body. To me, they were “blips” on the radar screen. If I was strong enough and fought hard enough, I could get past the limitations that this illness seemed to place on my body.

I was blessed to graduate from college in 1978, marry the love of my life in 1981, and have children in 1984 and 1986. We also lived in Michigan, Ohio, Minnesota and Texas during those years. There were no episodes, no “blips”, from early in 1982 to late in 1987. Surely my mind and will were holding this illness at bay. Early in 1988, however, I could no longer mask the fact that something was wrong. Because I was still in the dark about the origins of Crohn’s, I really believed it was ME who was causing the problem. I didn’t know that Crohn’s had now been categorized as an autoimmune disease, that my body was somehow attacking itself and that my mind and emotions had NOTHING to do with flare-ups. I could not WILL myself to get better.

That was a significant year for me, the year I learned that this disease is a lifelong one, that I will never be truly free from the reaches of Crohn’s Disease (unless of course God has other plans and I am miraculously delivered from this illness!). I will always fluctuate between being a “well” person and a “sick” one. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and the earthly finish line will never be in sight. The mentality of being a sick person involves the knowledge that existence is the main goal for each day, that doing one or two things that are important that day needs to be enough. Knowing that this kind of life may continue on for an indefinite period of time can tax the mind and emotions to a point of cocoon-like existence. The disease can quickly become my identity and thinking in those terms defines who I am. During the times when the disease is raging through my body, everything else seems to take a back seat and my mind and will are hard-pressed to gain control over my emotions. My emotions tell me to give up, to quit and go ahead and feel sorry for myself. For many years, I HAD to keep going because my family was depending on me. How I felt about having this illness dominate my life didn’t matter; it was what it was and I needed to keep on for my family no matter how I felt physically.

On the other hand, there have been times of remission following flare-ups and treatments, and while my mind knows the disease no longer has to control my day-to-day existence, my emotions sometimes have to catch up with what my mind knows to be true! Habits can be hard to break, and new habits have to be formed in order to return to what should be a normal existence. Consciously reminding myself that, for now anyway, Crohn’s Disease symptoms DO NOT dominate my daily life, is one of those new habits that needs to take hold. Resuming “normal” activities like going to the gym (really??) can again be part of my life. My mind has to keep reminding my emotions that, for now anyway,  I don’t have to live my life controlled by my symptoms. The last time I was able to live that way, I cleaned out over 20 years’ worth of my children’s stuff, refinished a desk from my husband’s parents’ estate and found places in our garage we hadn’t seen in many years! That was a number of years ago and I am older now and need to pace myself, but what a joy to know that I can make those kinds of plans! For as long as this remission lasts, I want to be sure to take full advantage of feeling well and taking on things I now feel able to do. My emotions have caught up with my mind and will, and I am ready to live without being governed by the day-to-day symptoms of Crohn’s Disease.  My heart has caught up with my head!

What Is the Mission?

When we begin a project, it is important for us to know what it is that we want to accomplish. Those who aim at nothing hit it every time, right? Our Sunday school class has been blessed to study the life of Jesus for a period of many months. We have studied the life of our Savior in depth, considering every aspect of not only His life but the lives of those around Him. What were they thinking? What were there reactions to what He said and did? And what exactly did Jesus come to do?

Jesus prayed for His followers during His last hours on earth. In John 17, He prayed: “I have given them Your Word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one.”

Did He come to destroy the Roman Empire? No. If that had been His goal, He would have accomplished it. Did He come to heal every sick person on earth? No. When Jesus died, there were still many people who were sick; people continued to die. He subjected Himself to the soldiers who crucified Him. He did not rise up against them. When He was taken into custody, His followers fled. That doesn’t sound like a very brave or powerful army, does it?

When Jesus walked the earth, there was no internet. There were no television networks, no newspapers, no system of mass communication. The Father, God, had but one plan for His Son: He was to be born as an ordinary human (in fact, be born in a stable with no midwives, no women present to attend and comfort Mary), flee to Egypt to escape the fury of King Herod, return to Nazareth to live in obscurity as the son of a carpenter (His earthly father, Joseph), go to Jerusalem at the age of 12 where He confounded the wise teachers in the Temple, then return to obscurity until the age of 30 when it was time for His earthly mission to enter its final phase. Some say this was the beginning; but His first 29 years were certainly not wasted! My mind wanders to the places of wondering what exactly Jesus was thinking during those years. I look forward to asking Him someday!

Jesus had but one plan: He would pour His life and words into the lives of 12 men who would then spread those words to others. At first glance, that plan failed before it got off the launching pad! What was He thinking?? No support from the Pharisees? The Romans? Anyone of influence? According to any sensible business plan, this didn’t look good. Worse yet, one of those 12 trusted men betrayed Him and turned Him over to the Jewish authorities, who then turned Him over to the Romans to be crucified! Did Jesus REALLY know what He was doing??

As I have thought about this, I realized that God is INDEED far more powerful and wise than any plans man can devise. He is not waiting on earthly powers or rulers to come into line with Him. He CREATED them! The fact that people still follow Jesus today, that there is still a strong and vibrant church points to the fact that His plan was not unsuccessful! How thankful am I for all those scribes who faithfully copied every character of Scripture so that we can read the Bible today! 

A song continued to go through my mind last night and today, sung by Sandi Patty, called “Unshakable Kingdom”. I looked up the meaning of “unshakable” and it was defined as: ‘ free from doubt, hesitation or fear; abiding; enduring; firm; fixed; never failing; steady; unfaltering”.  Our God is ALL of these! The song says: “Still some of us look for Him, sad that it has to end, do we dare to look within and see the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom that will never end, the living, unshakable Kingdom of God!”

Jesus accomplished His mission. He died to redeem man from sin, to take as many as would trust in Him to heaven for eternity. He did not conquer earthly rulers. He did not heal every sick person. People still died. Jerusalem fell in AD 70. So how can it be said that Jesus was successful? John 10:10 says: “I came so that they can have real and eternal life, more and better than they ever dreamed of.” John 17:3 says: “And this is the real and eternal life : That they know You , the One and Only True God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.” How good is God, that He has chosen us and that our eternity depends not on our goodness but on His faithfulness!

Because Jesus did His work, and was faithful to His mission, I am eternally secure! I will be forever grateful to my Savior and thankful that He accomplished His mission!

Touchpoints

Last week I was in Chicago with my husband where we had traveled for a conference related to his job. Many times when we travel, the city or resort is new to me and I explore the area with fresh eyes. However, heading to the Chicago/Southern Wisconsin area was like going home. Being in an area in which I grew up brought back a flood of memories. As I looked out our hotel room window (and quite a view it was!), I saw the shore of Lake Michigan, the museums to which I had traveled for field trips during my junior high and high school years, the John Hancock Building, the Wrigley Building and the “Magnificent Mile” (Michigan Avenue), the best and most exclusive shopping district in the city. All of these brought memories of family times, times spent with my now-husband visiting the city, times we traveled there with our own children, and now we were there with new friends and experiencing new places with them. There were MANY surreal moments!

We were able to go to southern Wisconsin where we had both lived and where my husband’s sisters still live, and again, there were so many memories. After my family moved out of the area, one of my husband’s sisters moved a half mile from the house where we lived, so of course we pass it every time we go to visit them! Just seeing the house, I remembered my parents and brothers and the life we lived there: moving into the house, putting in the yard ( we ALL put down sod!), getting our family dog as a puppy, the time I tried mowing the lawn and cut down all of the baby evergreen trees my dad was trying to coax along, having backyard barbecues when the wind shifted off of Lake Michigan and the temperature dropped 20 degrees, learning to drive in blinding snowstorms.

While my husband and I lived in the same city at the same time, we led lives that touched only at points when our two churches gathered together for youth camps or other activities. The fact that we both remember things in the city that happened during our lifetime there is ironic, because we weren’t dating and didn’t see each other. In fact, we worked three stores apart and didn’t see each other at all! We followed the same sports teams, attending games once in awhile, and even now we compare notes about those years and the teams’ players and records.

Because of the fact that my husband’s family still lives in that area, our children are now very familiar with,and love traveling to,Chicago and Wisconsin. My parents left that area well over 30 years ago, so neither of my brothers or their families have connection to the area, and their children do not have the same ties to the area where their dads grew up. Our children will say in a heartbeat that their favorite city to visit is Chicago, and it’s been interesting to see them embrace a place that is so far from where we live in Texas. Of course, things like Gino’s East pizza and shopping at Water Tower Place are a very powerful draw as well, as is Danish Kringle from our hometown of Racine, Wisconsin! We’ve also “indoctrinated” them in the ways of the Chicago Cubs, and have taken them to Wrigley Field on more than one occasion. How well I remember my dad taking us to at least one Cubs game a year (when Milwaukee had no major league team), and it’s special that we’ve shared that experience with our children (my husband, too, is a lifelong Cubs fan!).  Hapless though they may be, they’re “our” Cubs, and we look forward to sharing that experience with our new grandson someday as well. Four generations of Cubs fans…and we live in Texas!!

The strange mix of memories and new experiences that comprised our week in the upper midwest almost made my head–and heart–hurt at times with their intensity. And yet, I would not have missed one minute of the time there. Rich memories of years past with family, and now special new memories of times with friends, form this amazing patchwork of touchpoints in a place that has been, and still is, “Home”.

On Becoming a Grandmother…

This week I had one of the most incredible, amazing experiences of my lifetime: I became a grandmother! Our son and daughter-in-law gave us one of the most precious gifts we’ve ever received, the opportunity to be part of our grandson’s life as grandparents. The tears flowed freely as we watched our son carrying his minutes-old son from the delivery room to the newborn nursery, stopping to allow all the gathered family members a first look at the newest shared member of both families. It happened just as everyone said it would: it was love at first sight!

As I stood at the nursery window looking into my tiny grandson’s eyes, I prayed for him. My prayer was that he will come to know and love Christ early in his life, that he will be a man after God’s own heart, that he be happy and healthy, and that his parents will have great wisdom as they raise him. As we’ve observed the beginnings of their hands-on parenting, they are indeed very loving and nurturing, caring for his needs and speaking lovingly to him.

How ANYONE can see the perfection of a newborn baby and not believe that there is a Creator and Master Designer is beyond me. It takes MORE faith to believe that it all just “happened”! The God of the universe created this precious little one, as the Bible says in Psalm 139:13-16: “Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank You, High God–You’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration–what a creation! You know me inside and out, You know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, the days of my life all prepared before I’d lived even one day.” As we awaited his arrival, God knew the exact date and time of his birth; God already knows all of his days!

The privilege of praying for our grandchildren is a great one. During the years my husband and I were raising our children, sometimes our prayers consisted of “Lord, help!”, depending on the busyness of our days. Our parents prayed for us and for them, and that is now our responsibility and privilege to do for our children as they become parents, and for the grandchildren here and to come. We know also that our words and actions as we spend time with them are important. We want our lives to reflect Jesus so that our grandchildren will want to know Him too.

We may not be able to leave our family a lot of money or possessions, but we can leave them a legacy of faith. Helping to prepare them for eternity is our most important responsibility, and the greatest privilege we have. Along with all of that seriousness is the absolute DELIGHT we experience in just gazing at this amazing little one that just arrived, even if he’s doing nothing but sleeping! To us, he’s one of the very best gifts God has every created!

Something New From Something Old

From the time I was little, I’ve studied the Bible. My parents read the Bible to us, we went to Sunday scho0l and both my parents taught Sunday school. My dad taught until he died 10 years ago, and my mother still teaches other women today at the age of 82. In college, I had a minor in Biblical Studies, and I’ve taught and studied on my own for many years. I never cease to be amazed at the fact that such an “old” book is still so relevant today.

I’m now studying the book of Isaiah, a book right in the middle of the Old Testament. The prophet was given a hard message to deliver to the leaders of Judah, the fact that they were about to be carried into captivity. That didn’t make him a very p0pular man! He was about as welcome as a plague, and he certainly did not enjoy the assignment. Would you?? He was sent by God to deliver a message of judgment on his nation, due to their disobedience to God. They had received the warning time and time again, yet because judgment wasn’t immediate they didn’t believe that God would REALLY do that! After all, they were His chosen children, right? Apparently God knew they would not learn any other way, and He had to exercise tough love.

I’ve read through the Bible a number of times, and I didn’t necessarily pay close attention to the details of this book. The Old Testament has many rich passages, and that’s what is wonderful about going through the Word verse by verse, book by book. Because human nature is still the same today as when the Bible was written, the basic truths apply to us the same as they did when Isaiah wrote them. He had to give God’s warning to Judah, but He also gave them hope for the future. Obedience would bring life and peace, and continual disobedience would bring judgment and captivity.

Isaiah was also given the privilege of prophesying about the promised Messiah, the One who would save not only Israel, but the rest of the human race as well. How thankful I am that God included us in His plan to save all mankind from our sin! Even in Isaiah, the Gentiles, or non-Jews, were included. The promised Messiah would be called “Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. There will be no end of the increase of His government, or of peace…” Although Judah missed the meaning of  what Isaiah was saying at that time because of their unbelief, the promise still remains today. The message Isaiah was also given was that when the people repented, God would preserve a remnant who would return to the land from their captivity.

I’m very thankful that the men who were inspired by God to write down His words were willing to do so! God also preserved their work, miraculously, so that we can still hear from Him through the Bible today. Yesterday our pastor spoke about hearing from God, and one of the main ways God speaks to us still today is through that well-preserved Word. “Thank you, Lord, for giving us Your Word and for including everyone, even me!”