Faith Through the Journey

We will soon be going to a world-class medical facility, a true answer to prayer since we were able to get in so quickly. We have a wonderful medical “team” working for us here in San Antonio, and they gathered the data the center needed to facilitate our acceptance. We have people praying for us from coast to coast, literally. Everything is in place… Now the hard part begins.

Having been at this as long as I have, the mental and emotional aspects of chronic illness can be almost as wearing as the physical ones. Before we FINALLY found a medication that would give me pain relief, I was ready to give up. Living in pain 24/7 was just too hard to live with any more. Enjoying life and being in constant agony are mutually exclusive; you can’t do both for very long. Thankfully I haven’t had nearly the pain I’ve been in for the past 2 months. I know this is a short-term fix; eventually I’ll need to stop taking that, too, and we still have the original problem to deal with: the progress of the disease. Then, of course, there is the very real possibility that I will need to repeat all of the tests again so the doctors can see the most current data. I believe I have ingested enough barium so that one day I will glow in the dark, and then there are the needles: drawing blood and starting IVs can cause me to have black and blue arms for a week. Thankfully there are some tests for which I can be anesthetized, but the preparation for those exams are legendary for their cruelty to the digestive tract! If I must, I’ll do them but it’s not willingly!

Then there’s the aspect of treatment. We’ve exhausted the currently known available medications and are going to the research facility for any new remedies that might still be in the experimental stages. Are we ready for whatever that might be? Will it change our lives? What might be required? We have to be ready for that, even though the fear of the unknown is rather daunting. Are we willing to do whatever it takes?

The spiritual aspect, for me, may be the hardest. Will I trust God to go for whatever He wants to do in me, in my family? Will I listen for His voice and not be tempted to lean on  my own understanding? And what if the hardest thing of all happens: that there are no answers, that we’re no closer to finding treatment than we are now?  There are 2 options, to go it on our own or believe that God still has a plan. For us, there is only one choice. We will choose to continue to trust our loving Heavenly Father. We cannot do otherwise; where else would we go? There will never be a place where we are more loved, more cared for, more strengthened and encouraged than in the loving arms of our Creator. He knew all of my days before one of them ever came to be. If God is for us, then who can be against us? Whatever God is going for, we’re in. No turning back!